Aug 30, 2018 By Chrissy
Health & Dating

6 Things You Shouldn’t Do on A Dating App

I suppose you could say I’m some-what of an online-dating veteran. Working from home can sometimes make meeting people kind of difficult, so I rely on online-dating apps such as OkCupid to find people in Houston that I might have something in common with or find interesting. Unfortunately, that also means I’ve had my fair share of bad experiences and a lot of downright weird conversations. So if you’re trying to talk to a woman online, read my list of six things you shouldn’t do while online-dating.

1. Don’t message a girl and immediately try to appeal to their ethnic background.

No, I’m not interested in seeing your Bo Luc Lac. There’s a lot more to me than being Vietnamese, so I hate it when men – online as well as in real life – approach me by butchering my language, or tell me about all the Asian things they love. I don’t walk up to white dudes and tell them how much I love White-American culture, because that would be super absurd.

"No, I'm not interested in seeing your Bo Luc Lac."

While being an Asian-American woman is a huge part of who I am as a person, it’s not the most interesting thing about me. It’s just who I am; how I was born. It’s almost like saying you like women who are left-handed, or have asthma. It’s not a hobby, or an interest. 

It’s also not a great idea to tell me that you just really love Asian women. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with appreciating a certain look, or appreciating someone’s culture, but I don’t need to know about your weird Asian fetish – not to mention, it’s wrong and really creepy to fetishize an entire culture. 

2. Don’t message a girl four times in a row if they haven’t responded to you yet.

It’s creepy. If you did that in the real would, you might get a face full of pepper spray. I especially hate it when each message is angrier than the last. I’ve had some pretty rude guys message me because I never responded to them, calling me names, and asking why I couldn’t be bothered to reply. Truth is… the average woman on OkCupid gets anywhere between ten to fifty messages per week. I probably log in one or two times per month. Let’s put aside the fact that I don’t have time to be thoroughly reading each of the hundreds of unread messages waiting for me in my inbox. Don’t be offended when you don’t receive a reply – it’s not personal!

4. Don’t be lazy

Don’t use the same opener for every girl, because – believe it or not – not all girls are the same! This one should be obvious, but you’d be surprised how many messages I receive that are clearly just copy/paste jobs. See Number 5 for more on: Don’t be lazy! Find something in my profile that interests you, and talk about that! Otherwise, I feel like you’re just playing a numbers-game or you’re only interested in my photos.

I don’t know how many messages I’ve gotten that start with “You have a great smile,” and I literally don’t have a single picture uploaded where I’m actually smiling. On the flip side, I also hate it when guys message me telling me I should smile more.

You’d also be surprised how many profiles say something like “I hate writing about myself, just hit me up if you want to get to know me.” That just screams “I’m just here for hook-ups, so you don’t really need to know anything about me.”

4. Don’t fill your profile with pics of you with your ex-girlfriend.

Everyone has a history, and maybe it’s the only picture in which you like the way you look, but if I see a picture of you with some girl, I no longer care about how much you love long walks on the beach. I’m just going to be wondering who that girl is. Even worse is when the caption blatantly identifies the woman as your ex-girlfriend. I need to be eased into your baggage, not whacked in the face with it.

5. Don’t neg me, bro!

I don’t know who came up with the idea that saying something negative or backhanded to a girl is the way to get their attention. This isn’t grade-school, bullying me is not going to show me that you just like me.

Urban Dictionary defines “negging” as: Low-grade insults meant to undermine the self-confidence of a woman so she might be more vulnerable to your advances.

No self-respecting man, or man that respects women, will employ this technique when trying to pick up a woman – no matter what your intentions are. I don’t care if you’re just looking for a one-night-stand, you have a far better chance by treating me with respect.

6. And finally – Say NO to dick-pics!

"Receiving a dick-pic is like receiving a dead rat from a cat. I see you’re proud, but I’m not touching it."

Receiving a dick-pic is like receiving a dead rat from a cat. I see you’re proud, but I’m not touching it. Just don’t. There’s nothing sexy about a strange dick, no matter what size or color it comes in. There is no power in the penis. I’m not going to look at a picture of your willy-wonka and think to myself “OMG I NEED TO KNOW THIS PERSON.”


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About Chrissy

Christina Pham – or Chrissy – is qôket's founder, a web developer and designer with over a decade of experience, and an award-winning blogger. She loves to write about her sleepy life and share her thoughts and ideas about fashion, dating, beauty, and more!

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